i should sleep.

but instead i sit and hope and pine and fear.

and miss.

miss everything.

but i hide it behind this facade (ohh be impressed with my words for my words, they are wooingful) that, eh, its nothing.

who cares that ive moved. who cares that the girl's going to college a million states away.

its actually like five states, but im one to blow crap out of size.

i forgot to take my pill tonight.

eh.

abrupt change of subject eh.

i want to be a blade of grass for a day. i think that'd be a damn interesting experience. a calming one, as well. and one that makes me think and focus and concentrate.

which is what i truly need to do.

focus and concentrate.

and not focus and concentrate on the fact im in a dark room with an empty bed.

that's actually a lie. a girl is sleepin in the bed.

yeah, i know.

but not like that. im actually bumming at her place.

cause im bored.

and shes asleep.

so i feel bad.

but its better en my own bedroom with an empty bed.

and no smell of honeysuckle to swing in through the blinds guided by the moonlight to remind me to ache for everything and anything possible.

did you ever know what something felt like long before you ever touched it?

only made you want to touch it more.

you are my sunshine, my only sunshine...

that was my sisters song.

mine was midnight special.

so, yeah, a friend of mine figured out i had a thing for the girl.

damn, im just all over the place tonight, arent i?

my family digs the girl.

yall dont understand how important that is to me.

that the family likes her (whoever her will eventually turn out to be) and she likes the family.

i miss my damn cat yo.

im such a big ball of mushy mushness right now.

and yall dig that right?

right.

yeah.