no, thats wrong, i guess i do get them. i understand the whole well the bible told me so aspect. i understand the whole i havent been really exposed so i'm wrong in my thinking and, truthfully, a bit afraid.

i can understand that.

i understand the need for god. for religion. for a moral code to go by. for the belief in... in that the world has a reason, there's someone out there watching over us all. that after death, there's something. something better.

but when did we become such dick heads about it all?

when did it become right to bomb abortion clinics in show of your belief that people shouldn't be murdered?

when did it become ok for people to protest funerals?

when did we allow people to do this?

ive struggled with religion a decent part of my life.

when i say religion, i mean christianity. that's what i was exposed to. even after church, i was exposed to that. it's in whats around me. or what i was around.

do i believe in god?

i dont know.

yes.

yes, i do.

have i been saved? have i been born again? have i accepted jesus as my savior?

no.

am i a good person?

yes.

and not... not in spite of that.

my beliefs come from what i feel within me to be right.

sometimes they agree with the bible. sometimes they dont.

the bible is a book. say it's the word of god all you want, but it's a book.

a good piece of writing at some points, too.

and then, then we get into the translation problem. translators are translating with gods tongue. they're using what they believe to be right.

i have three bibles in my bedroom right now. all three of them read differently.

why do i have three?

because a lot of arguements revolve around faith. around the bible. and the best way to win an arguement is use their weapons against themselves.

what i hate hate hate is when people begin to use the bible but completely miss some of the major points.

and i miss some major points too. i know this.

but if i miss the points that tell me i should picket a murdered gay man's funeral, i hope i miss that for the rest of my life.

and if that means a life away from god, an eternity in hell, so be it.

this has not gone where i meant it to go.

im not sad right now, or depressed. just tired.

people are wonderfully beautiful in their complex abstract different than each others natures.

when we become ignorant hateful assholes... i dont know.

ive been told i live in my own world. and maybe i do. but my world... my world is what i believe in. i believe that people are good. i believe its worth getting to know people.

and i draw people into that world, if only for a second. and that's great. for that second they understand, that second they know why im an optimistic kid. and for a second they believe.

man, im just tired and rambling and i apologize.