and thats what im afraid of.

im afraid of waking up one morning to the realization that you have drawn back. of knowing you are there and we can talk, and we do talk, but you dont give any weight to my words or actions.

in a way i would rather you disappear then do that. at least then i could believe in the old days and not have to live with the memories of the new.

not that its happening. im just saying.

i just worry.

and how do you replace the only person in the world you would show an article to that talks about soup smelling like a womans nether region?

these two people arent related, for those of us keeping track at home.

god damn. great people in my life and i just...

lets get off all of that.

today i had to explain to the parents what sporks were. i had taken it for granted that everyone knew. i stand corrected.

i wish i was magic. id make flowers grow and capture stars. but mainly i would just awe you. fill your belly with heat.

wish i didnt have to be magic to fill your belly with heat.

dammit, why cant i get off this.

youre special, god yes, but youre... you. and i cant touch that. and if i tried i know itd be like that front glass door when i was a kid and all id end up doing is putting a smudge on you when you were clean and clear and unmarred.

you say you are marred. i say whatever blemish you have blends in and works. i cant see it.

or maybe i just choose not to. maybe thats my way of thanking you.

maybe i would give you anything in my power if youd just ask.

maybe i want you to ask.

maybe im damn afraid of you asking.

maybe i want you to push me into telling you.

explode.

christ all mighty, you, why does it have to be you?

why am i still on this?

frickin frackin brickin brackin.