It doesn't happen often. I mean, like yesterday, I hung out with Jess and she's one of the best people I know. I love spending time with her. It reminds me how good I could be.

And we went out to eat, but I had more or less just eaten, so I ordered some alcohol, then I ordered a caeser salad and a cheesecake and both Jess and the waitress let out a laugh at the same time and that's what I love, that part of myself, the part where I can be completely okay ordering alcohol and cheesecake for dinner.

But then today happens and while nothing really bad happened, nothing to outright make me sad, I'm sad.

I am sad.

These memories come back out of nowhere and hurt all over again, ideas about how Kelly really, really broke my heart but I don't ever talk about it because I should be over it by now, right? And I pretty much am, but I hate her and I love her and more than any other girl I had made plans with her, a future, and it's raining and I'm angry.

And I am sad.

But the thing is, it's a passing sadness and I know that. I know that tomorrow I will wake up and Jess will have sent me a text and I'll laugh and my cat will eat my hair. And each day that goes by is a day further into my future, a day where I'll always order dessert first while eating across from a beautiful woman, where one day that woman will come home with me, where this sadness, this passing sadness, will just be a dull ache in the background I only remember because it's now just this path I had to go down to get to her.

Here's the problem, though:

I kind of suck at meeting new people.

I'm so generally happy with my world, in my bubble, with my good friends and my good family and with Jess that I don't go further and introduce new people into it, but blah.

I don't know.

I am sad. But just for tonight. Tomorrow I'll wake up and stretch and laugh and be a day closer.