It's been coming back.

Things at work have changed. I now have banker hours, for the first time in my life, and I'm really enjoying it but I don't know how long this will last.

If I didn't feel like I had so much to be responsible for, if I didn't take this path, then there's no telling what I'd do right now.

I want to be able to just get up and drive three days, sleep in the car, stop for gas and soda, and watch the sunrise from a new state.

I want to walk into a bar and make a strange girl laugh.

I want to jump off ledges.

I want to take my dog and disappear for a year, just walking around forests, looking for big foot.

But there's so much. School and work and family. People who depend on me. Bills to pay.

One of my best friends just told me she's pregnant, and this protective instinct immediately kicked in. She's young, single, like a kid sister, and while I know I'm under no real obligation, outside of just being a decent human being, I immediately started thinking about how to take care of her.

It's... a duality? maybe? of my nature that on one hand I want to be able to just live in my car and move around like I'm 20 with no end to the future and on the other that I'm built to be in a relationship, to be a parent, to mow the yard and clean the gutters and constantly be there.

But I need to do something reckless soon, I think, something unsafe and on the edge to clean my system out.