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2009-07-13 - 2:27 a.m.

For as long as I can remember I've wanted nothing more than to be somebody's.

But you don't ever tell people that. When they ask, "what do you want to be when you grow up?" You don't say, "I want to be hers." You say, "I want to be a doctor."

"I want to teach."

"I want to sail ships."

Because you have to fund your life. You have to have a career or a profession or a vocation. You have to be able to support yourself and buy a house and own a car.

The closest I could ever get is to say, "I just want to die knowing I made someone happy."

But here's the thing:

Here's the thing and I'm going to address it to some future girl that exists right now but so far out of reach that I don't know when I'll ever meet her:

If I got the chance to wake up next to you, every morning, if I got the chance to end my day sleeping next to you every night, if those hours between could be spent doing everything possible toward making sure you were the happiest you could ever be... that would be all I'd need.

If I could die at ninety knowing that you never wanted for anything, knowing that when you were sad you reached out for me and I made it a fraction better, knowing that I could look across the room and see you surrounded by a hundred people that you could look at me and smile a smile only I gave you I would have had a complete life.

If I could hold your hand and smell your neck and watch you laugh and make you moan and see you in moonlight and walk with you in summer rain and do dishes next to you and touch your ribs and raise happy children with you and cook you dinner I would not regret nor want nor need anything else in my life. Anything else would be extra.


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