Sixty days. Roughly 800 a piece.

I began texting her, knowing that calling her would make me angry. She text back that she couldn't pay.

I told her that she owed me this much. She asked to call. I said sure.

She called. Called crying, saying she thought she had made a mistake, that she was depressed, that that that that.

She wanted to talk. I said I didn't know what there was to talk about. We've said our peace. She said "I don't think you understand why we broke up."

I said I don't really care, but if you need to say it again go ahead.

These are the "reasons"--
a) I snap at her
b) I never communicate with her
c) I don't like her family

Nothing to do with this other person. Of course not. They just gave her the "courage" to do this.

I said, as I've said to her before time and time and time again, that the way I communicate is different than the way she does, but it doesn't mean I don't. I say shit maybe twice, then I'm done. Like this whole every time we talk you need to cry and tell me I'm an asshole, I only need to go over that once.

I got it. I'm an asshole.

And I said well, as far as communicating also goes, I kept telling you I was insecure, I kept telling you it was just like Amy, I kept telling you I knew how Amy ended, but you didn't do shit or change the way you were acting.

And she had no response.

But then she said oh, that night at the grocery store, when I was trying to see what was wrong, when I kept asking and you wouldn't tell me, that's what it's always like.

I said fine, listen, the reason I was quiet is because when I got on your computer a message popped up that you sent to that person. It said "I wish I was with you." I was trying to figure out how to deal with that. That's when I said I knew how it ended with Amy. You didn't say shit. You didn't tell me I was crazy or that you loved me.

She got quiet again.

Listen, people. We were having issues for a week. I kept telling her hey, I'm feeling abandoned, I'm insecure, I need my girlfriend to actually go to bed with me instead of talking to someone else.

I said "hey, I'm going to take you out, we're going to spend some time together tonight." I took her out to eat. We rented a video. I cuddled up with her. And then I went to bed. Alone. And when I went to bed she got on the computer. And when she got on the computer she sent that note. The "I wish I could've talked with you tonight." The "I wish I was with you."

So fucking instead of being happy with me, when I'm trying my hardest, I'm changing my work schedule so I can hang out with her and her family, I'm taking us out and communicating and touching her and doing all the things she always said I didn't do... I guess it was too little, too late.

Shit. I got off topic, I guess. Got angry, I guess.

That came out, on the phone. And then she started crying again, saying I don't sound like I'm upset about this situation. I told her I'm too old to be anyone's second choice. She said oh I never said that.

I got her back to the lease topic. I said you can't help me at all. She said no, I can barely afford to pay the bills now, I like the apartment, I don't want to leave. I said so it's not that you can't help me, you won't. She said I guess. She said "I don't want you to leave."

I don't know. It's over, I know that. I can't trust her. And I want out. I god damn want out but she's holding me fucking hostage and I don't know how she thinks that I'll ever get to a place that I want to be friends with her if she does this to me.

I don't know.