| 2008-10-18
- 8:36 p.m. There's no reason for me to email this to her, as is my first gut instinct, and in a show that I am maturing, I'm just going to post it here. If she still reads it, she knows who she is, but I doubt she even remembers this place (I'm not talking about anyone post... 2004. If you're post 2004 (and I DO know you still read this, and that's fine) this isn't about you. I swear. I forgot how many parentheses I have made)))))) Last week my mom gave me a box to take to the apartment. I had Kelly look through it while we were driving. I knew there was a fake nose in there (long story) and I wanted to scare her (which it did) but she also found this letter you wrote, a long time ago. The one with all the lyrics? She didn't look at any more than to say "some papers with writing I don't want to read" and then handed them to me. Later I looked at the first page, just to refresh my memory. And I had all these memories flood back, good memories, and I realized that at one moment, with you, I was perfect. I was flawless and, in a sense, infinite because you saw me that way. I did nothing to deserve it, but you still looked at me that way. I fucked up later, with you and someone else, and I was completely at fault and a total asshole. But I went on to have more good moments, more moments where people looked at me and everything was infinite and nothing could stop me. And I owe all of that to you. If I hadn't had that, hadn't had your trust and your words and the way your eyes looked at me (I still remember that) and that first kiss with you, I don't think anything after that would have happened. You started something in me, for better or worse, that led me to this place. You started something that has allowed me to love some of the most incredible, beautiful, talented women in the world. Women so out of my league it is ridiculous. |
