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2008-03-02 - 3:22 a.m.

Kim got married today. I wasn't there, but I kept seeing it, in my head. I would think "and now she's standing, waiting for the music," "and now her eyes are watery, and she's looking at him saying for better or worse."

"And now she's at her reception, dancing like a crazy fool, barefoot, smiling."

"And now she's in the passenger seat of his car, they're driving away with the shaving cream still on the windows, her head tilted, grinning, looking at him."

This went on all day. Me seeing her.


This went on all day, and a part of me grew up.

I have little doubt that day I'm going to marry Kelly. I haven't thought about being with Kim in years.

But there's a piece of me that was marked by being with her. A part of me that was formed and shaped by what we went through together. There are things I would've changed, things I would have done differently.

But I don't regret anything. I loved her, I was in love with her, and I do still love her.

I don't really know what I'm trying to say, here.

I'm trying to say this: there are pieces of me that belong to specific women. Pieces that are there because of them, pieces that if you took away I would be less for.

I'm trying to say this: I love you for it, and I'm forever in debt for you making me a better person. I love you for showing me what I could be and helping me to get there, years later.

I'm trying to say this: I hope he makes you as happy as you made me, back then.

I'm trying to say this: You've turned into more of an amazing woman than I could have imagined.

I'm trying to say this: I'm happy for you.

I'm trying to say this: goodbye.

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