Wait, back up. Let me start with saying this:

Kelly has a friend, Jessica, who has called me her hero for a while. Her hero because I am fearless and also can fly.

I'm a hero. Remember that.

I was driving to my parents' house and was a street away from their street when I see (what I later find out to be a three year old) kid on a tricycle triking his way up the sidewalk. And my first thought is man, what a cute kid. Then my second thought is, man... where the hell is this kid's parents?

This kid is triking past four houses at this point. And I slow down, and then I stop. And I don't see any parents.

So of course I call Kelly.
Then I call the police.
Then I stop the car and go talk to this kid.

And of course, of course this kid doesn't speak English. So I have to bust out the high school Spanish and ask him donde el bano.

Ok, no, I didn't ask him that. But I did talk to him in Spanish for about ten minutes.

Then his mom arrived and snatched him and drove off. I didn't get a thank you. I didn't get a get away you creep. I didn't get anything.

Keep in mind if I was a creep, I would have had absolutely no problem stealing this child. We could be watching Shrek right now, if I was a creep.

Keep in mind, too, that I now work for DCS, and know about child protective services and have connections.

So the police finally arrive and I tell him what I know, tell him the kid almost got hit twice before I was able to get him into a yard and start talking to him.