I'm not saying that I'm not trying. I am. I went out to church with her new best friend. Rode with them there and back. I still feel the same way.
Amy says, "I know she's blahblahblah."
I want to say, "Then why do you put up with it?"
But I know she'll just say something about wanting friends and not caring who they are right now or something about how when she's with her she doesn't have to think about anything.
Or that she's not crazy all the time.

I'm too old for this crowd. Not age wise (although I am almost ten years older than the youngest ones), but just... where I am in life.
And, yeah, everyone deserves that part of life where they're young and care free and out partying and hanging out or "not hanging out" but "working out" because working out is never socializing (even though... bah. It doesn't matter. Everyone has excuses for everything.)
I tell her if that's what she needs and wants right now, time to just go out and not worry about having responsbilities, not worry about leaving someone she cares about at home, then just fucking do it already.
But she says that's not what she wants.

I don't want to be number one. I don't want to be number two or three. I can settle for fourth. Fifth, even.
But I don't feel that high anymore. This large group of young people she's become friends with has surpassed me. And so, yes. I'm jealous.