i want to find her, walk up to her, say, "i always will regret never dancing with you."

i want to say, "i'm scared to death of always wanting to be with you and not being able to."

i want to say, "please, please forgive me."

i want to say, "i'm sorry."

but i'm so scared.

i'm terrified.

i don't want to crash and burn.

i don't want to see her turn away from me, again.

and what if she's already convinced herself that it just can't happen?

that nothing will ever happen again because of time, of space, of the stupid fucking mistakes i've made.

then i just become the fool that doesn't see the real picture, no matter how many times it's banged into me.

i mean, i'm young, right? how realistic is it of me to think i've found what might have been the perfect person at this age?

what if it just takes the big gesture? what if all it takes is me walking up to her with a handful of poppies and laying my heart out there?

god fucking dammit.

if i dont do this, i'll regret it and wonder what if.

if i do do this i'll kick myself forever if it doesn't work out.

i dont even know how to find her. i could call and ask her sister where she works, i could wait another week and talk to her best friend, i just don't want to talk to her on the phone, i'm afraid if i do it won't be right because i won't be able to see her eyes and she won't be able to see me.

ah fuck, i'm nervous and scared.