actually, my shoulders gave me more problems than my left leg.

i called emily that night.

i called and said "i wanted to thank you."

and she said "for what?"

and i said "for getting me to walk."

and her voice, god damit, hr voice did this melty thing it does when she's really happy. she said "good, i'm glad."

and this melty thing her voice does, i love it.

it just makes me miss talking to her even more.

she was just about to go out, so i had to let her go, but i said i'd like to talk to her again. she said okay, but kind of in that way where you just say okay to end a conversation.

i don't know.

i drove back to my parents house with my sister, and in the car we talked about different things.

about mutual friends, which led to me telling her about what happened between emily and i.

then my sister and i started talking about this summer, and it made me realize how much i want to be there for emily.

i'm afraid this summer will be hard for her, and i'm afraid that the two people she really has might put her into an awkward position, and she'll be the third wheel.

i just want to be able to be there for her, i want to make sure she has a good summer, i want to see her smile and laugh.

i'm such a fucking fool, though.

and i'm such a fucking idiot to have lost all these chances i ever had to just be friends with her.