i'd wake her up, if she were here now, asleep in the bed with my grandmother's quilt draped over her. take her, barefoot, out to my car, drive her to the empty parking lot a block away from the apartment building, shut the car off.

and just sit there, in the car, with the rain coming down.

we'd sit there, talking, and maybe, just maybe, i could convince her to get out into the rain with me. under one of those huge parking lot lights.

i still remember this one time with kim, near the end of the relationship, where we went to the park, and it was raining.

we sat in the car, i think she did a crossword puzzle, and we were just there.

she had stretched out with her feet across my lap.

there was a time, similiar, but more, with emily.

another park, at night, with the rain coming down harder, and the heat more.

all my life, up to emily, i had this kind of day dream. i'd take her (whoever her was) out to a field where i used to play ball. any field, seeing as how i played at a bunch over 13 years.

and i would take her down to the field and we would lay on a blanket and look at the stars.

and there's just something about a ball park, late at night, that's peaceful, and calm, and so dark that it just makes sense you'd look up into the sky.

and i never did it with kim.

but i took emily out, right at the beginning of us dating.

and it was everything i'd hoped it would be.

she fulfilled so many unspoken thoughts, dreams, i'd had. she was...

i don't know.

i need to get over her.