the last time i went to a wedding it was my cousin's. it was the day kim told someone else she was my girlfriend.

safe to say, i was fairly damn happy that day. it shows in the pictures, i think.

it'll be weird, comparing the two days.

because, you know, their weddings are all about me.

im really tempted to get a hair cut. my hair isnt long. or, at least, it's been longer. it's just... im finally in the mood to have short hair, i think. for the first time in years.

i want to go to this wedding in style. i'm hoping, if i can scrounge enough up, that i can buy a new outfit. a fancy outfit, something i wouldn't wear to work unless i wanted to kill all the ladies.

a wedding type outfit.

seeing as how a million people in my life have decided it is time to get married and have a million babies EACH because i dont exaggerate AT ALL.

i also really need to shave soon because im getting to the point of where it is distracting me.

my roommate had fallen asleep a few minutes ago, in the bedroom, lights still on. so i called the roommate's cell phone while i stood in the bedroom doorway.

i promptly got flipped off.

on the snoring front:

i finally got ear plugs. they work wonders, and although i can't sleep an entire night through, i'm not waking because of snores. i actually get to sleep in my bed and not on the couch. it's a great thing.

however, they really hurt my ear canals.

but i'd rather have sore canals than no sleep, yo. no diggity.

also, if i was in a more zen place, i would've sneaked some kind of weird panama canal sex joke in there. maybe.

i think i cant sleep for a bunch of different reasons.

i might be going to the police station tomorrow, with my friend. she has to talk to a detective and she's scared.

if the right people are there, there is a slight chance of me losing my job. just for being there.

but eh. it's not all it used to be, so i dont mind.

tuesday they had me filling in holes in the parking lot with some concrete i mixed.

keeping in mind, honestly, i dont mind that kind of work at all. i love fixing things around the building. it gives me a sense of purpose and accomplishment.

hell, three years ago i was digging ditches at a senior citizens place in florida in the summer. had the worst sun burn of my life, i was swollen all kinds of crazy, and i was out there digging in the dirt, laying pipe, and finally they had a few of us digging ditches through CONCRETE. with SHOVELS.

tooks us forever to break the damn top layer.

so i wouldnt really mind it if all they had me do was fix things. i would be happy.

but the fact of it being that that's not what im supposed to be doing bothers me. i'm a manager. none of the other managers would have been outside doing that. they would have waited and had an employee do it.

there are times when i feel like im just a glorified employee. where i'm just there with the name so the other managers can get around with doing what little they do. (this is not to say matt doesn't do his fair share. he does. and i'll be the first one to defend him when people start to talk bad.)

because i am friends with most of the employees, its hard for them to listen to me, sometimes. because they know i have a heart and will bend if they say please.

but its starting to fucking bother me when they compare me to the other managers. "well last night." well last night i wasnt working.

alright. i think it's about time for bed.

but first, this little story:

my car gave up forty dollars today. im not sure why i missed it before now, but bam, right when i was afraid i would run out of gas because i have no money to stop and get gas, 40 dollars.

people are watching over me.