i dont go to church, i dont bend my knees every night in prayer, i dont this and that, complete the list yourself.

but i believe in something.

i've read. not a lot, and not enough. the bible, the kabbalah, the book of lies, the tao te ching, this and that, whatever i can get my hands on, usually.

usually.

and there's this common thread, this theme, i see reflected into my life.

into how good i have it, into how damn blessed i am.

and so i find myself thinking and thanking something, someone, it, the way, the path, beyond nirvana, whatever you want to call it.

move forward:

there have been a few times where all the voices in my head cut out, and this one resounding voice speaks out.

this is not to be confused with the one voice that speaks out names (the other week, out of the blue, i heard "judith light." i still havent figured that one out yet; it's been months since ive watched who's the boss.).

i've heard this voice maybe three, four times.

once was when i looked at kim for the first time.

the other was four nights ago. i was sitting on the chair, eatting shrimp kabob. as i pulled the shrimp from my mouth, i looked at it.

i heard this and saw this and started thinking. this shrimp that i was eating, it once swam. and maybe it once even had little shrimp swimming buddies.

and then, bam, i'm eating it.

like it never existed outside of this stick, that oven, such and such.

im losing my togetherness. it is late and i am tired.

point being:

i think i'm a vegetarian.

i've been meat free, at least, for a couple of days.

we'll see how long it lasts, eh?

also: