i dont know if she is avoiding this on purpose. i think she doesnt think she is. and i dont think i think she is.

it just gets hard looking at 20 minutes of her time, when its not even that.

not even 20 minutes. im greedy. i know this. i want her attention right now. i want to know that its one on one.

but it cant be. because she is loved, not only by me, but by others, who ask of her time too.

and she is needed. by herself. she is needed to sleep and to eat and to take care of herself. which she says shes doing, but i know, if i were in her shoes, she would be yelling at me.

maybe she realizes, maybe she doesnt. the reason i am up so late so often is in hopes of talking to her. even for a moment, a hello.

and so when she passes through like a breeze, like its just happy circumstance, it sort of hurts.

fuck.

such a fucking softy for her.