the first time i saw her i had to sit down.

nothing like i expected.

and i dont even know if it's love. hell, it could just be a really extended case of... indigestion.

it could be a damn crush.

it is a damn crush.

just have to repeat that over and over again.

maybe i can sort of pry myself off the hook she unknowingly extends.

we talked today. we talk every day.

she says things that make my stomach clench. she doesnt realize this.

we'll be in each others lives from here on out, in some shape form or fashion.

she'll get married. have children. ill be there for the wedding. be there for the baby shower.

above and beyond all, im her friend.

and i cant challenge that. i cant try to push it further.

she asked me what i wanted tonight.

i said root beer.

she asked what i wanted.

why cant i just say her?

why? cause im her friend.

then she goes, dammit all, and says she wants to give me everything.

i go outside, i see a cloud that looks like a dog, i want to point it out to her.

i smell the honeysuckle. i want to point it out to her.

whenever something happens to me, she's the first person i want to tell.

i want to be the one to watch her tuck in a kid.

i want to make her happy. i want to make her laugh so hard no sound comes out. i want to watch her watch a movie. i want to kiss her where her neck meets her shoulder.

i want to not feel this way about someone who could never feel the same way back.

damn. why does she push me? does she know shes pushing me? does she want to push me? is she waiting for me to say it? is she waiting because she thinks it'll be good for me if i finally got it out of my system? is she waiting because she wants to hear it?

no. no she doesnt want to hear it. not from me. she's told me this. not in so many words, but it's there.

she's told me she's in love with someone.

hell, she's told me we're in the same position.

it's not right of me to hope its me.

i shouldn't even hope for that. hope. dream. it's a damn star and i cant manage to get off the earth.

it's just a crush. say it with me: just. a. crush.

gonna change the conversation now, cause i dont want to talk bout this any longer.

pirates have been popping up in my life a lot lately. i think its a sign for a career change.